I’m not a fan when someone says “I’m sorry, but…” It makes me feel like they’re not really sorry. Or that they think somehow I’m to blame for something they did to hurt me. Yes, I’ve probably done it to someone as well, so I’m trying to get better at analyzing my apologies.
Apologizing is hard. It makes us uncomfortable and vulnerable. Who wants to do that on purpose??
Learning how to give an authentic apology can do wonders for yourself and the other person rather than making you sound fake and insincere:
When you make an apology that starts with “I’m sorry, but…,” you not only seek to duck responsibility, but you also suggest the harm could happen again. For example, if you say, “I’m sorry, but I was having a miserable morning,” the other person could wonder if you’ll repeat your behavior when you have another bad day. Another classic is, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t mean it.”
One of my favorite Bible verses is Romans 12:18. In fact, it was the basis of my word for last year “relationships”. It says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Are you really living at peace when you have to constantly defend a mistake you made? (see the list above)
Of course it’s better to not make the mistake in the first place. BUT when you do, apologize WITHOUT the but. That will help them know you’re truly sorry.
~Brooke