I could probably recite most of Psalm 139 if I had to…its the Bible verse inscribed on my oldest daughter’s headstone.  

Baby Grace, born September 15, 2001. Infant daughter of Ceci and Dave.

 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

September 21, 2001 was the saddest days of my whole life. Standing there, crying over a teeny tiny grave surrounded by family all crying and singing Amazing Grace. I thought the pain would never ever go away. That I would wake up and feel it that acutely every day after.  My Mom gave me a big hug and told me I’d be surprised at how I would feel in a year. I told her my broken heart would never be the same. Ready for the miracle? One year later, on September 21, 2002 at around the time my Mom would have been saying those words to me, I gave birth to my daughter, Elliana—which in Hebrew means, “My God has answered me”. Indeed, I had no idea how I would feel in a year. We were blessed to go on to have 3 other healthy children.

You know what I love about Christian Radio? I love that when you are having the highest mountain top experiences, there is music to celebrate with you. And when you are walking through the deepest valley, the lyrics of the song connect with your grief. Even the ordinary, mundane days in between—the music is here walking along side of you. This song came on the radio the other day and with tear filled eyes remembering that day 21 years ago, and outstretched arms I belted out

I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
… And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God
… I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In the darkest night
You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a Father
I’ve known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God
—Praising God that his mercy never fails,